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The
BEST Little Johnny joke I have ever heard!
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very
excited..
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk
on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made
$30" she said proudly,
"My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil
spirit and I credit that
approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said,
"I made $45 and
I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on
current events."
"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her
breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a
box
full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world
were you selling?"
Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes",
echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough
tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little
Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip
stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They
all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog
poop!"
Then
I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?
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The teacher
decided that in science class, she would teach her students
about different materials.
Standing at the front of the class, she asked, "Children,
if you were able to have one raw material in the world, what
would it be?"
Raising his hand, little Tommy said, "I would choose gold.
It's worth lots of money and I could buy a Porsche."
Next, little Allie raised her hand and said, "I would want
platinum because it's worth more than gold and I could by a
Corvette."
"Very good, both of you," said the teacher.
"Johnny, what would you want?"
Little Johnny stood up and said, "Oh, I would want
silicon."
"Why would you want silicon, Johnny?" asked the
teacher.
"My mom has two bags of it and you wouldn't believe all the
sports cars outside our house!" he replied.
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Thanks to Annlynn Brough Stougaard class of 1961 for the
following...
Subject: FW: A LITTLE GENTLE CHRISTIAN HUMOUR
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked
back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason
interrupted...
"My Mommy looked back once while she was
driving," he announced triumphantly, "And she
turned into a telephone pole!"
________________________________
GOOD SAMARITAN
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Thanks to Val Pakaluk from the class of 1951 for the following two...
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A group of
fishing buddies, all in their 40's, discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Hooters because it wasn't far from the pier, the waitresses were
young, good looking, had big boobs and wore short-shorts.
Ten years later, at age 50, these buddies once again discussed
where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that
they would meet at Hooters because the food and service was
good, they had many televisions to watch the games on, and the
beer selection was excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the gang again discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would
meet at Hooters because there was plenty of parking, they could
dine in peace, and it was good value for the money.
Ten years later, at age 70, they discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at
Hooters because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had
a toilet for the disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they
should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would
meet at Hooters because they had never been there before.
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Gun Purchase
I
went over to the local gun shop to get a small 9mm handgun for
home protection.
When
I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said
"Strip down, facing me."
Making
a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control
wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When
the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found
out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in
the card reader!!!
I've
been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need
to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer.
I still don't think I looked that bad!!!
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A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that
tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with
nutrients and will give you the energy you need."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.
Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at
the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
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A suicide
bomber died and went to Paradise, as foretold.
When
he arrived there he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his
72 virgins, as promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why
there were so many virgins in heaven.
Allah
regarded him for a moment, and then replied, "Actually, the
72 virgins are here in heaven because people like you murdered
them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're
here to service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite
sexually ravenous and, frankly, you'll be on constant,
exhausting duty. I shall banish you from Paradise should you
fail! "
The
bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How
hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"
Allah
replied, "Who told you they were women?"
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A
Collection of Humor
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Special
Travel Package for Businessmen
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men.
Buy your ticket; get your wife's ticket free! After great
success, the company sent letters to all the wives asking
how the trip was. 72% of them gave the same
reply..."What trip?"
New
SIM to Surprise Her Husband
Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and
decides to surprise her husband who is seated on the couch
in the living room. She goes to the kitchen, calls her
husband with the new number: "Hello Darling."
The husband responds in a low tone: "Let me call you
back later Honey, my wife is in the kitchen.
Cool
Message by a Wife
Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my
children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a
lot of improvement."
Throwing
Knives at Wife's Picture
Husband was throwing knives at his wife's picture. All
the knives were missing the target! Suddenly he received a
call from her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."
Habit
of Talking in Sleep
A lady to doctor: My husband has a habit of talking in his
sleep! What should I give him to cure it?
Doctor: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.
Natural
Disasters Just Happen
Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate,
hurricanes to swirl around and no one teaches a man how to
choose a wife. Natural disasters just happen.
Your
Husband Needs Rest
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here
are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They're for you!
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Jack
goes to his friend Mike and says, "I'm sleeping with the
minister's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after
the services for me?"
Mike
doesn't like it, but being a friend he agrees.
After
the services, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him
all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally
the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike,
feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My
friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to
keep you occupied."
The
minister smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and
says, "You better hurry home.
My wife died a year ago."
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Thanks
to Barbara DiBella Dowd for the following...
Parvinder and
Habib are street beggars. They beg in different areas of London.
Habib begs
just as long as Parvinder but only collects £2 to £3 every
day.
Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a
Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money
to spend.
Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do
but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every
day?'
Parvinder says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?
Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to
support'.
Parvinder says 'No wonder you only get £2 to £3.'
Habib says, 'So what does your sign say'?
Parvinder shows Habib his sign.
It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan'.
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