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An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.
After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork.
Have you actually ever tasted it?
The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have on the odd occasion."
Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation.

He asked, "Your religion, too...I know you're supposed to be celibate. But...."
The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask.

I have succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while.

The Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said,

"Better than pork, isn't it?"

The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy.

I went straight to the back of the store to where the pharmacy counter is located.

I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and put them on the counter.

The pharmacist came over and smiled and said, "Can I help you?"

I said, "Yes, can you please taste this for me?"

The pharmacist went along with the request because I was a senior citizen.

He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid from the bottle onto the spoon, then put it into his mouth and swilled it around on his tongue.

Then with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he finally was finished coughing, I looked him straight in the eye and asked, "Now does that taste sweet to you???

The pharmacist shaking his head back and forth and with a venomous look in his eyes yelled "Hell No!"

So I said, "Thank God! That's a tremendous relief. My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar.

Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I don't really care because they aren't very friendly!!!

 

 

A doctor just finishes his check-up with a man.

Dr: I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?

Patient: I guess the bad news.

Dr: Well, you only have about 3 months to live and there's nothing else we can do. I'm sorry.

Patient: (starts crying)

Dr: Now, now... I know you're upset... but remember, I also said there was good news.

Patient: Yes, I need some good news... what is it?

Dr: Well, you know my nurse, Donna.

Patient: (cheering up) Yes?

Dr: You know, the one with the big breasts?

Patient: (more excited) Yes, yes...

Dr: You know the one that's always flirting with you every time you come in for a checkup?

Patient: (very excited) Yes, yes - what about her?

Dr: I finally had sex with her last night.

 

 

 

This woman went through a bad break up.

She grieved over her lost relationship, but eventually got better and decided it was time to have some fun again.

She went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.

He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.

Seeing the beautiful woman, the cowboy offered her a drink and they started talking.

After a while, the woman built up some confidence and asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Sure is. Why don't you come home with me and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered.

Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."

"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

 

 

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field.

They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them.

They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung.

Black bear dung is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper.

 

 

Ed and Linda met on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic.

He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums.

Ed became convinced that Linda was indeed his soul mate and true love.

Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Linda to a fine restaurant.

While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you.

I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues.

So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut.

I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf.

If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Linda paused, then responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem.

I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Ed said, "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."