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An
Arab enters a taxi..........
Once he is seated, he asks the cab driver to turn off the
radio.
He explains he must not hear music
as decreed by his religion.
In the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially
Western music.
That is the music of the infidel's and certainly no radio.
So the cab driver politely switches off the radio.
He stops the cab and opens the back door.
The Arab asks him: "What are you doing, man?"
The cabby answers: "In the time of the prophet there
were no taxis.
So get out and wait for a camel."
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I
went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.
His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room.
She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor
could see me .
She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me, I sat down.
While waiting I observed That there were three items on a
stand next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly * A rubber glove * And a beer.
When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc,
I'm a little confused.
This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for And I know
what the glove is for.
But can you tell me what the BEER is for?
At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed
over to the door
He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse .. . . . . .
Dang it, Evelyn !!!
I said a BUTT LIGHT "!
p.s. sorta like a "Pabst" Smear
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This
is a story that is perfectly logical to all males:
A wife asks her husband,
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton
of milk. And if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of
milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of
milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."
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A
Minneapolis
couple
decided to go to
Florida
to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent
their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate
their travel plans.
So, the husband left
Minnesota
and flew to
Florida
on Thursday with his wife planning to fly down the
following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an
E-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her E-mail
address.
Without realizing his error, he sent the E-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in
Houston
, a widow had just returned home from her husband's
funeral.
He was a minister who was called "home to glory"
following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her E-mail messages from relatives
and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room and found his mother one
floor.
He saw the computer screen that read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: January 19, 2010
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now
and you can send E-mails to your loved ones. I have just
arrived and have been checked in. I have seen that everything
has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward
to seeing you then!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as
mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!
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Arizona
tan line
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This one is dedicated to everyone who ever taught school, parented
children, or served their country.
A former
sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a
new job as a school teacher, but just before the school
year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part
of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt
and was not noticeable. On the first day of class, he
found himself assigned to the toughest students in the
school.
These punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former
Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he
really was, before trying any pranks.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher
opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler
and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.
...Dead silence...He had no trouble with discipline that year.
SEMPER
FI!!
When
you are feeling rushed and in a hurry, maybe it is time to
stop and appreciate the wonder all around you
These photos are from Thursday, Feb. 17 by someone from
Centurion in Pilanesberg game reserve,
South Africa
The guy in the white Volkswagen was trying to get past the
elephant...
Road
rage, it affects us all
Why Men Die First
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A
young
New York
woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life
by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could
throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped
her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man.
"I'm a sailor, and we are off to
Italy
tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care
of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had
always wanted to go to
Italy
, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her
aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in
the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three
sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until
dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain
during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she
replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to
Italy
."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the
best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain.
"This is the
Staten Island
Ferry.
Thanks to Henry
Lichtenstein for the following...
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