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J  u  n  e      2  0  2  0      H  u  m  o  r      P  a  g  e


An Arab enters a taxi..........
Once he is seated, he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio.
He explains he must not hear music as decreed by his religion.
In the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music.
That is the music of the infidel's and certainly no radio.
So the cab driver politely switches off the radio.
He stops the cab and opens the back door.
The Arab asks him: "What are you doing, man?"
The cabby answers: "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis.
So get out and wait for a camel."

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I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.
His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room.
She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me .
She said that he would only be a few minutes.
After putting on the gown that she gave me, I sat down.
While waiting I observed That there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:
A Tube of K-Y jelly * A rubber glove * And a beer.
When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused.
This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for And I know what the glove is for.
But can you tell me what the BEER is for?
At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door
He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse .. . . . . .
Dang it, Evelyn !!!
I said a BUTT LIGHT "!
p.s. sorta like a "Pabst" Smear

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This is a story that is perfectly logical to all males:

A wife asks her husband,
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had eggs."

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Minneapolis  couple decided to go to  Florida  to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans.
So, the husband left  Minnesota  and flew to  Florida  on Thursday with his wife planning to fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an E-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally left out one letter in her E-mail address.
Without realizing his error, he sent the E-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in  Houston  , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister who was called "home to glory" following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her E-mail messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room and found his mother one floor.
He saw the computer screen that read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: January 19, 2010
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you can send E-mails to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I have seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

 

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Arizona   tan line

 

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This one is dedicated to everyone who ever taught school, parented children, or served their country.

A former sergeant, having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and was not noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.
These punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former 
Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest.
...Dead silence...He had no trouble with discipline that year.

SEMPER FI!!

 

When you are feeling rushed and in a hurry, maybe it is time to stop and appreciate the wonder all around you
These photos are from Thursday, Feb. 17 by someone from Centurion in Pilanesberg game reserve,  South Africa
The guy in the white Volkswagen was trying to get past the elephant...

 

 

 

 

 

 


 Road rage, it affects us all

 

 Why Men Die First

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A young  New York  woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to  Italy  tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to  Italy  , the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to  Italy  ."
"I see," the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the  Staten Island  Ferry.


Thanks to Henry Lichtenstein for the following...