-
I changed my car
horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
-
Gone are the days
when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their
fathers.
-
You know that
tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common
sense leaving your body.
-
I didn't make it
to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
-
I decided to stop
calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much
better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
-
Old age is coming
at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought "Nap Time"¯ was a
punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
-
The biggest lie I
tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember
it."
-
I don't have gray
hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.
-
If God wanted me
to touch my toes, he would've
put them on my knees.
-
Last year I
joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
-
Why do I have to
press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I
can't understand anyway?
-
Of course I talk
to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.
-
At my age
"Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I
came in there for.
-
Actually I'm not
complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that
I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
-
I don't have to
go to school or work and I get an allowance every month.
-
I have my own pad
and I don't have a curfew.
-
I have a
driver's license and my own car.
-
The people I hang
around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne.
-
Life is great!
-
I have more
friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
-
Now, I'm
wondering "¦did I send this to you, or did you send it to me"?
