Privately, the groom-to-be approached his minister. "I'm really concerned about the secret I've kept from my fiancé," the young man said. "I have unbelievably smelly feet. I'm afraid my new bride won't be able to stand them.

"Oh, is that all?" the pastor replied. "Look, all you need do is wash your feet twice a day and wear socks all the time." The groom thought it over and decided it might work.

Meanwhile, the nervous bride had approached the minister's wife. "I'm so worried," she sobbed. "I have really bad breath when I wake up each day. My morning breath is so awful, my fiancé won't even want to be near me.

"Well, I have an idea," the pastor's wife said soothingly. "Set your alarm just a few minutes before your husband wakes up.  Run to the bathroom, brush your teeth, gargle with mouthwash before he gets out of bed. The key is not to say anything until you've taken care of your breath." The bride thought it over and decided it might work.

For several months after the wedding, the couple managed to keep their issues to themselves.

The one morning, the husband awoke before dawn to find one of his socks had come of during the night. Frantic, he searched the bed making lots of noise

His bride woke with a start and blurted out, "What in the world are you doing?

"I was looking for my sock, the young man wailed, "but it seems that you've swallowed it!"

Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."
Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."
Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."
Priest: "What did you do with it?"
Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Fido, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."
Priest: "OK, anything else?"
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two car garage."
Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."
Priest: "Yes?"
Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."
Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"
Boudreaux: "No, Father... But, if you got the plans, I got the lumber."

An old minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled out. New dentures were being made.
The first Sunday, using his new dentures, he only preached 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.
On the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:
 "The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot.
The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures and I couldn't shut up."


This is something that happened at an assisted living center...
The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a  central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.
An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room  and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.
When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.