The BEST Little Johnny joke I have ever heard!
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited..
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made
$30" she said proudly,
"My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit
and I credit that
approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I
made $45 and
I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current
events."
"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box
full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were
you selling?"
Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes",
echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth
brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny,
"I set up a Dip & Chip
stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They all said the same
thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!"
Then I would say,
"It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?
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The teacher decided that
in science class, she would teach her students about different
materials.
Standing at the front of the class, she asked, "Children, if you
were able to have one raw material in the world, what would it
be?"
Raising his hand, little Tommy said, "I would choose gold. It's
worth lots of money and I could buy a Porsche."
Next, little Allie raised her hand and said, "I would want
platinum because it's worth more than gold and I could by a
Corvette."
"Very good, both of you," said the teacher. "Johnny,
what would you want?"
Little Johnny stood up and said, "Oh, I would want silicon."
"Why would you want silicon, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"My mom has two bags of it and you wouldn't believe all the
sports cars outside our house!" he replied.
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Thanks to Annlynn Brough Stougaard class of
1961 for the following...
Subject: FW: A
LITTLE GENTLE CHRISTIAN HUMOUR
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was
describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of
salt, when little Jason interrupted...
"My Mommy looked back once while she was
driving," he announced triumphantly, "And she turned
into a telephone pole!"
________________________________
GOOD SAMARITAN
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Thanks
to Val Pakaluk from the class of 1951 for the following two...
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A group of fishing buddies, all in their
40's, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was
agreed that they would meet at Hooters because it wasn't far from the
pier, the waitresses were young, good looking, had big boobs and wore
short-shorts.
Ten years later, at age 50, these buddies once again discussed where
they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet
at Hooters because the food and service was good, they had many
televisions to watch the games on, and the beer selection was
excellent.
Ten years later, at age 60, the gang again discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters
because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace, and it
was good value for the money.
Ten years later, at age 70, they discussed where they should meet for
lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because
the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the
disabled.
Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should
meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Hooters because they had never been there before.
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Gun Purchase
I went over to the local gun shop to get a small
9mm handgun for home protection.
When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets,
the cashier said "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about
the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally
subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my
credit card in the card reader!!!
I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to seniors a little
clearer.
I still don't think I looked that bad!!!
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A
turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,"
sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients and will give
you the energy you need."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.
Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the
top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer who shot him out
of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
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A suicide bomber died and went to
Paradise, as foretold.
When he arrived there
he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his 72 virgins, as
promised. Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many
virgins in heaven.
Allah regarded him for
a moment, and then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in
heaven because people like you murdered them before they could
experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them. Since
they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous and, frankly, you'll
be on constant, exhausting duty. I shall banish you from Paradise
should you fail! "
The bomber responded,
"Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it
be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"
Allah replied,
"Who told you they were women?"
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A Collection of Humor
|
Special Travel Package for
Businessmen
An Airline introduced a special package for Business men. Buy
your ticket; get your wife's ticket free! After great success,
the company sent letters to all the wives asking how the trip
was. 72% of them gave the same reply..."What trip?"
New SIM to Surprise Her Husband
Woman buys a new Sim Card. Puts it in her phone and decides to
surprise her husband who is seated on the couch in the living
room. She goes to the kitchen, calls her husband with the new
number: "Hello Darling."
The husband responds in a low tone: "Let me call you back
later Honey, my wife is in the kitchen.
Cool Message by a Wife
Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't teach me how to handle my
children, I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of
improvement."
Throwing Knives at Wife's Picture
Husband was throwing knives at his wife's picture. All the
knives were missing the target! Suddenly he received a call from
her "Hi, what are you doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING YOU."
Habit of Talking in Sleep
A lady to doctor: My husband has a habit of talking in his
sleep! What should I give him to cure it?
Doctor: Give him an opportunity to speak when he is awake.
Natural Disasters Just Happen
Nobody teaches volcanoes to erupt, tsunamis to devastate,
hurricanes to swirl around and no one teaches a man how to
choose a wife. Natural disasters just happen.
Your Husband Needs Rest
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are
some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doc, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They're for you!
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|
Jack goes to his friend
Mike and says, "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you
hold him in church for an hour after the services for me?"
Mike doesn't like it,
but being a friend he agrees.
After the services,
Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid
questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister
gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty,
finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with
your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister smiles,
puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You better
hurry home.
My wife died a year ago."
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Thanks to Barbara DiBella Dowd for the
following...
Parvinder
and Habib are street beggars. They beg in different areas of London.
Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but
only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a
Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to
spend.
Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do but
how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'
Parvinder says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?
Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.
Parvinder says 'No wonder you only get £2 to £3.'
Habib says, 'So what does your sign say'?
Parvinder shows Habib his sign.
It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan'.
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