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This submitted by Kathy Koziuk Hannaman
class of 1960 Two nuns were shopping at a
7-11 store. As they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the
other "wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot
summer evening?" The second nun answered,
"indeed it would, sister, but I would feel uncomfortable buying beer
since I'm certain it would cause a scene at the checkout counter. "I can handle that without
a problem," the other nun replied and she picked up a six pack and
headed for the check-out. The cashier had a surprised
look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six pack of beer. "We use beer for washing
our hair," the nun said. "Back at our nunnery, we call it the
Catholic shampoo." Without blinking an eye, the
cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel
sticks. He placed them in the bag
with the beer, looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled and said,
"the curlers are on the house." A business man got on
an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a
blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying "T-G-I-F." ******************************************************************************* In
just 20 seconds, you're about to completely change your entire view
on pretty much everything. Growing up is a weird notion to wrap your
mind around. As you go through life, your perspectives on almost
everything will change. How you define success will change as well.
Things that you thought were important at the age of 35 will be
useless when you're 65. You may not realize it now, but everything
will shift. Don't believe it? At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a driver's license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a driver's license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.
It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not. Senior Trying to Reset Password
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password. USER:
cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER:
boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character. USER:
50BLOODYboiledcabbages WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively. USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourA*ssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow! WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation. USER:
ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourA*ssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow WINDOWS: Sorry, that password
is already in use. ****************************************************************************** So,
I was driving down Now,
I knew I wasn't speeding and laughed that it took my picture. I turned
around and drove past it again, almost 10MPH under the speed limit, it
flashed at me again. I did this repeatedly and the last time I was at
a crawl, laughing my butt off that it took my picture again, how funny
was this. Two weeks later I got 6 tickets in the
mail for not wearing a seat belt. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- While on the
operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God she
asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you
have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the
woman decided to stay in hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction,
breast implants, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and
change her hair color, and brighten her teeth! Crossing the street
on her way home, she was killed by ambulance. Arriving in front of
God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?"
Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?" God replied: "I
didn't recognize you!" ***************************************************************************** Tony had just finished reading a new
book entitled, 'You Can Be The Man of Your House.' He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on,
you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished
eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. A farmhand is driving
around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he
radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig
on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still
wriggling. What should I do?" The farm worker says
okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later
he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and
dragged it out and threw it in a bush." All of the ten senior members of the
Board of Directors of the company were called into the chairman's
office one by one until only Bob, the junior member, was left sitting
outside. Finally it was his turn to be summoned. A man
wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. ***************************************************************************** While
walking home from school one day, little Johnny sees his Daddy's car
passing the playground and going into the woods. Somewhat curious, he
follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. He finds this so
exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to
tell his mother excitedly. Later that night at the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, "and then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army." *************************************************************************** |
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