---

Irish Humor

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal, Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake.

Paddy stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother.

Grandma," he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday so why can't I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said, "Because yer father, yer grandfather and yer great-grandfather were all born in December when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August!

Dah!!!

*****************************************************************************

Thanks to Kathy Koziuk Hannaman for the following...

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise , God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to
report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!  Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

****************************************************************************

Thanks to Ed Delaney for the following...

How Can Anyone Not want Children

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

  

 

                     

******************************************************************************

Then there was the persistent actress who made it the hard way in Hollywood ...she had talent!!!

******************************************************************************

There was a guy named Jack and he had a girlfriend who was very pretty named Lorraine .

He went to the office one day and found out a new girl had started work named Clearly. She was absolutely gorgeous. Jack was falling for Clearly in a big way. She, too, was falling for Jack.

Jack was loyal and could not see Clearly while he was seeing Lorraine . But he couldn't stand not being with Clearly, so he decided to tell Lorraine .

One day, they went for a long walk along the river bank. Lorraine slipped and fell into the river and the very fast moving current carried her off. He stood there for about a minute staring into space then ran off smiling and singing, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone!"

******************************************************************************

He who laughs last, thinks the slowest!!!

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film!!!

A day without sunshine is like, well, night!!!

On the other hand, you have different fingers!!!

People lost in thought may be in unfamiliar territory!!!

******************************************************************************

Two women are sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while one looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland ."
The other woman responds proudly, "Yes, I sure am!"

The first one says, "So am I!  And where about in Ireland are ya from?"
The other woman answers, "I'm from St. John's , I am."
The first one responds, "So, am I! 
And what street did you live on?"
The other woman says, "A lovely little area it was in the west end. I lived on Warbury Street in the old central part of town."
The first one says, "Faith and it's a small world.  So did I!
And what school did ya go to?"
The other woman answers, "Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of course."
The first one gets really excited and says, "And so did I.
Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other woman answers, "Well, now, let's see.  I graduated in 1964."
The first woman exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 me self."
About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael, shaking his head and mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight."
Michael asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"
Brian answers, "The Murphy twins are drunk again."

********************************************************************************