Here's a cute
video submitted by Nancy McCotter...
Dog
Lovers...A Table for One!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub1Dc3NHZ3s&feature=youtu.be
and a cute joke...
Getting
into Heaven
A
woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint
Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful
banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other
people she had loved and who had died before her.
They
saw her and began calling greetings to her.
"Hello - How are you!
We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When
Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a
wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You
have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which
word?" the woman asked.
"Love."
The
woman correctly spelled 'Love', and Saint Peter welcomed her into
Heaven.
About
a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the
Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While
the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.
I'm
surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you
been?"
"Oh,
I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told
her.
"I
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were
ill.
And
then I won the multi-state lottery.
I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge
mansion.
And
my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in
Cancun
and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am.
What a bummer! How do I get in?"
"You
have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which
word?" her husband asked.
"
Czechoslovakia
..."
Moral
of the story: Never make a woman angry...
There
will be Hell to pay later!
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Actual call
center conversations!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket
and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number
for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
traveling in
Australia
?"
Operator: "Does the product name give you a clue?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (inquiring about legal requirements while traveling in
Europe
.)
"If I register my car in
France
, and then take it to
England
, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the
car?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Inquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the
spelling is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the
'B' fell off."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in
Scotland
"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone
box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
number on."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up
menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click'."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen,
can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just
realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks
will I get my file back again?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this
guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from
the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording
monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk
employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect
organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a
former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: "Ridge
Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller:
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of
trouble??"
Caller:
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller:
"They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller:
"Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller:
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get
out??"
Caller:
"How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??"
Caller:
"What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
screen?"
Caller:
"There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I
type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller:
"What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller:
"I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller:
"Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.
Caller:
"Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
one??"
Caller:
"No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable."
Caller:
"Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer."
Caller:
"I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller:
"No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way over??"
Caller:
"Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's
because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller:
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller:
"I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller:
"Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power...A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff
that your computer came in??"
Caller:
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store
you bought it from."
Caller:
"Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller:
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks to Dave Teitel for
this humor...
An
elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their
cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of
a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went
out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a
romantic text message and she wrote:
"If you are sleeping,
send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you
are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you
are crying, send me your tears. I love you.
The husband texted back to
her:
"I'm on the toilet.
Please advise."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She
looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished
that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from
the storm.
Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out...She screamed!
He raced to the sofa where she was cowering.
He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms.
He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back.
He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.
The storm raged on...they knew it was wrong...their families would
never understand... So consumed were they in their FEAR that they
heard no opening of doors...just the faint click of a camera.
They were caught...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks to Cheryl Proffe Davis
for this ditty...
|
The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous
staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful
week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!)
When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of
having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the
meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra
advertising slogans. The
only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally
written for other products that captured the essence of
Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.
About
7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and
created a Top 10 List.. With all the laughter and
camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for
everyone! The top 10 were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.
8. Viagra, like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there
overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be5. Viagra, Reach out and
touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your peepee... This is your peepee on drugs.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
...Cheryl again
Last
seat In Church
A few
minutes before the church services started, the congregation was
sitting in their
pews and talking.
Suddenly,
Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone
started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling
each other in a
frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon
the church was empty except for one elderly cowboy who sat calmly in his
pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate
enemy was in his presence..
So
Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The old
cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't
you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope,
sure ain't.' said the cowboy.
'Don't
you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't
doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did
you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?'
persisted Satan.
'Yep,'
was the calm reply.
'And
you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,'
said the old cowboy.
More
than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The old
cowboy calmly replied,
'Been
married to your sister for 48 years. '
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Golf Ethics Question
This video at the link below is about 78 seconds long, and
although it's only a golf situation, it presents a real-life dilemma
regarding personal ethics. . . .
The real question is: What
would you do?
http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid775285209001?bckey=AQ~~%2cAAAAtIGFX_k~%2cMRIHKYX9xs0gxDxXtswwaTGIc7vAXA6V&bclid=0&bctid=1797260929001
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's in a name?
Do you remember the famous Olympic
skier
Picabo Street
(pronounced Peek-a-boo) Well, Picabo is not just an athlete. She is
now a nurse currently working at an Intensive Care Unit of a large
metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the hospital
telephones any longer. It caused too much confusion when she would
answer the phone and say, Picabo, I.C.U.
A good clean joke is hard to find these days - pass it on!
(Admit it ... You're smiling)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This
is too funny not to share ... Who says dads can't think on their feet?
And
the innocence of little kids ...
A
little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk
around the block?"
Mom
replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's
that mean?" asked the child.
"Go
ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The
little girl goes to the garage and says,
"Dad,
may I take Belle for a walk around the block?
I
asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad
said, "Bring Belle over here."
Being
old school he took a rag, soaked it with a little gasoline, and dabbed
the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent.
He then said, "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash
and only go one time round the block."
The
little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the
leash.
Surprised,
Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The
little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the
block, so another dog is pushing her home."
