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GOOD ONE! THOUGHT I WOULD KEEP THE BIG
LETTERS GOING!
 Kathy Koziuk
Hannaman 1960
THE
MORE YOU READ THE FUNNIER IT GETS......COULDN'T DECIDE WHETHER TO LAUGH
OR CRY.
$5.37!
That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco
Bell
said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two
dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher.
Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to
the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo
said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said,
"It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."
I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change
hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said
Cheerfully.
I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child!
Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong
with Elmo. Was he blind?
As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show
him, I thought.
I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and
there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front
of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A
toddler?
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"
I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in
my mind!
"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to
anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the
ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and
tried another.
Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my
rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view
mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus: The car seat in
the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A
partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally
be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito,
only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the
restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black
nail polish.
All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I
could say
was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"?
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my
vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security
benefits.
Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young
lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was
holding up a drink and a bag.
His mother explained,
"I think you left this in my truck by mistake."
I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does
stuff like
this all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone.
Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a
Toyota
Prius.
And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall.
I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly
sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankie.
The good news was that I had successfully found my way home.
Pass this on to the other "old fogies" on your list (so they
can have fun laughing, too).
Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble
reading.
P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate !!!!!
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