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Thanks to Bob Gillette for the following humor...

One day I accidentally overturned my cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course where we were living in Sarasota , heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay?

What's your name?"

"It's Jack, and I'm OK thanks," I replied.

"Jack, forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty and persuasive. "Well okay,"  I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy, and some driving and putting lessons, I thanked my hostess. "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."

"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile, "She won't know anything.

By the way, where is she?"

"Under the cart!"   I said.

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That's a good one Ed Delaney, class of 1961

Can Ya Help My Friend???

I'm reaching out on behalf of a friend of mine who needs some help WHO wishes to remain anonymous.

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.

When he came back, he handed her "diet pills!"

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live.

Can you help him???

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Thanks to Joe Carfora for the following...

Subject:* Coffee & Testicles
  
A guy goes into USPS to apply for a job.....
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok. Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points.
Okay. Looking at the regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now.
Our normal hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 AM, and plan on starting at 10:00 AM every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 AM?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

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This has been around, but It still is funny.  Haven't had too many chuckles lately, but this one deserves a little chuckle.

Kathy Koziuk Hannaman 1960  

 PECANS IN THE CEMETERY

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.  One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy.  Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.  As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery, so he slowed down to investigate.  Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me...'
He just knew what it was.  He jumped back on his bike and rode off.  Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane hobbling along.
'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard!  Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'
The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.'  When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me.  One for you, one for me.'
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth.  Let's see if we can see the Lord!
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.  The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to
get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me.  That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...'
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

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A little bit of humor from Barbara DiBella from the class of 1962

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods.

Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back,

a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and

poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.

"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.

"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"

"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer   answers in relief. "I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I  apologize ."

And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself.

"I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

"Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,"the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. "I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, It's good to see you're all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"

"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "When  I need cash, I just reach in my pocket   and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!"

"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment,and says shyly, "It's OK."

"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week."

"What?" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic Priest in a small parish."

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Thanks to Kathy Koziuk Hannaman for the following...

Two construction workers, working in a new shop in a large shopping mall...

were sitting down for a break.....

 the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up, so far.... 

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some woman is going to walk by, put her face to the window, and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious woman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked,

"What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the woman said, "Must be doing well..... Only two left!."

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The Nursing Home Three mischievous elderly Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by. One of the old Grandmas yelled out, 'Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!' The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess my age! One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.' Embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and then jump up and down several times facing them. Determined to prove them wrong, he did it. Then they all said in unison, 'You're 87 years old!' Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?' Slapping their knees, high fiving and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed..... 'We were at your birthday party yesterday.' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Thanks to John "Bingo" Korothy from the class of 1962 for the following humor...  A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"   The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."   The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."   The little boy replied with a chuckle. "You're bullshitting me, right?   You don't even know the way to the Post Office"