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The BEST Little
Johnny joke I have ever heard!
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very
excited..
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk
on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made
$30" she said proudly,
"My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil
spirit and I credit that
approach for my obvious success."
"Very good", said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said,
"I made $45 and
I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on
current events."
"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her
breath.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a
box
full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world
were you selling?"
Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes",
echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough
tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little
Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip
stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They all said the
same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!"
Then I would say,
"It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?
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Daddy's
car in the woods?
Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground
and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and
Aunt Jane in a
passionate embrace.
Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain
himself as he ran home and
started to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw
Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was
giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her
shirt. Then
Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...'
At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an
interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to
see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'
At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell
his story. Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I
saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look
and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off
her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt
Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill
used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs...'
Mummy fainted!
Moral: Sometimes you need to just shut up and listen to the whole
story before you interrupt!
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Thanks to Ed Delaney from the class of 1961 for the following.
Subject: Power Outage
We had a power
outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down
immediately. It was raining. I couldn't play golf so I talked with
my wife for several hours.
She seems like
a nice person!!!
Happy Halloween (submitted by Kathy
Koziuk Hannaman)
Police work can be entertaining as well
as dangerous.
Recently, a female sheriff's deputy
arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was
fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next
day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse,
Lawrence
was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and
public intoxication.
The suspect explained that he was
passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when
he decided to stop. 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy
inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought
there was no one around' he stated.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled
over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was
appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy
his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented
with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed,
Lawrence
failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his
audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him.
'It was an unusual situation, that's
for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to
Lawrence
and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.'
Deputy Taylor went on to describe what
happened when she approached
Lawrence
...'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex
with a pumpkin?'
He froze and was clearly very surprised
that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:
'A pumpkin? Shit ... is it midnight
already?'
The court (and the judge) could not
contain their laughter.
Lawrence
was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10. and sent on
his way.
The Washington Post wrote an article
describing this as "The best come-back line ever."
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This almost took my breath
away!!!!!!!!!!
Subject: C-17 Final Approach
For all you military plane lovers out there, here's an amazing
shot of a C-17 on final approach.
http://www.c141heaven.info/dotcom/globemaster.php
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The
Halloween Party
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A couple was invited to a swanky costume
party.
Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible
headache and told her husband to go to the party
alone.
He, being a devoted husband protested, but she
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin
and go to bed and there was no need for his good
time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an
hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still
early enough, decided to go to the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume
was, she thought she would have some fun by watching
her husband to see how he acted when she was
not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband
cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with
every nice woman he could, and copping a little
touch here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather
seductive babe herself, he left his current
partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new
babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as
he wished...
Naturally, (since he was her husband.)
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her
ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of
the cars and had a quickie.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped
away, went home, put the costume away and got into
bed, wondering what kind of explanation he
would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and
she asked what kind of a time he had.
He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I
never have a good time when you're not there."
"Did you dance much ?"
"You know, I never even danced one dance. When
I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some
other guys, so we went into the den and played poker
all evening.
But you're not going to believe what happened to the
guy I loaned my costume to.
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