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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In
the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a
family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking
tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said
as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved
one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental
procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover
the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN." The
family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time,
someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?' The
Doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a male brain; $200 for a female
brain.' The moment turned awkward. Some of the men actually had to
'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the women.
A
man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question
everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more than a
female brain?' The
doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire
group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We
have to price the female brains a lot lower because they've been
used.'
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A
little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar
on backwards.
The
little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The
man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father..'
The
little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The
priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'
The
boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar
that way!'
The
priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and
went back to reading
his book. The
little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
said, "Maybe you should
wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your
collar." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hu's
(Who's) On First -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE MEDIUM ...thanks to Ed Delaney for this
little ditty In
a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the Mystic
delivered grave news: "There's
no easy way to tell you this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare
yourself to be a widow... Your
husband will die a violent and horrible death, this year." Visibly
shaken, Laura stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single
flickering candle, then down at her hands. She
took a few deep breaths to compose herself and to stop her mind
racing. She
simply had to know... She
met the Fortune Teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I be
acquitted?" For
some reason, women tend to like this joke... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ***** A Real Good Friend ***** ...Thanks
to Bob Gillette for this amazing humor A
guy brings his best buddy home for dinner. His
wife screams, "You asshole! My
hair & makeup aren't done The
house is a mess The
dishes aren't done I'm
still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why
the "f..." did you bring him home?" 'Cause
he's thinking of getting married!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The
teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly
put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm and we
all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.' The
teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
fascinate, not fascinating'. Sally
raised her hand. She said,
'My family went to see The
teacher said, 'Well that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the
word 'fascinate.' Little
Johnny raised his hand. The
teacher hesitated; she'd been burned by Little Johnny before. She
finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate',
so she called on him for his offering. Johnny
said, 'My aunt Carol has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are
so big she can only fasin eight.' The
teacher sat down and cried. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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