Subject:
Okay, But My Wife Won't Like It!!!
A Golfer accidentally overturned his cart.
Elizabeth, a very attractive low handicap golfer who lived in a condo
on the golf course heard the noise, was concerned and yelled over to
him "Hey, are you okay?,
"Yep"
"What's your name?"
"Mike,"
he replied.
"Mike, shake yourself off and come to my condo, rest up for a
few minutes, and then I'll help you get the cart back to the pro
shop."
"That's really nice of you," Mike answered, "but my
wife wouldn't like it."
"Aw come on, it'll be okay, no harm to take a break"
Elizabeth
insisted. She was very persuasive, and pretty.
"Well okay," Mike finally agreed, "but I don't feel
good about it right now."
After a few beers and sexy golf swing and putting lessons, Mike
thanked
Elizabeth
for a great time.
"I feel a lot better now, but I'm still concerned"
"Don't be foolish!" Elizabeth said with a smile , your
wife won't know a thing. She's at home, right?"
"I wish she was; no, she's still under the cart."
This has to be the best email for 2012!!!
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This one is really funny! TRUE STORY.......
A lady helped her man install his new computer.
Once accomplished, she told him to select a password, a
word that
he'd always remember. When asked to enter it, he looked at his
wife and
with a macho gesture and a
wink and
selected
the
word....... he became a little miffed at her reaction, when he
selected the word, "penis"
For, after he hit "enter", to validate the word, his
wife collapsed with laughter, rolled on the floor,
uncontrollably hysterical.
The
computer replied:
TOO SHORT - ACCESS DENIED
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Thanks to Kathy "Cookie" Koziuk Hannaman for this cutie...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWew0EqM7e4
The Welfare Check
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He
marched straight up to the counter and said: "Hi.
You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a
job."
The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a
Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to
drive around in his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of
your clothes. "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday
trips.
This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job,
the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her
mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it!!!"
Senior Texting Codes
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Thanks
to Ed Delaney for this dittie...
Teens
have
their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be
outdone
by these kids, now senior members have their own short-hand codes.
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF
-
Best Friend's Funeral
BTW
-
Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWIW
-
Forgot Where I Was
FYI
-
Found Your Insulin
GGPBL
-
Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA
-
Got Heartburn Again
LOL - Living on Lipitor
TOT
-
Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP
-
Where are the Prunes?
Hope these help .....
GGLKI!
(Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)
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YOUR
AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
Don't tell me your age; you'd
probably lie anyway,
but the Hershey Man will know!
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read .
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it
out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
First of all, pick the number of
times a week that you would like to have chocolate
(more than once but less than 10
Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
Add 5
Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the
calculator
If you have already had your birthday this year add
1762 ..
If you haven't, add 1761...
Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number
The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each
week).
The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2012) IT WILL EVER WORK
SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.
Chocolate Calculator. |
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