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A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death
experience.. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8
days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and
have a
Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.
She even had someone come in and change her hair color and
brighten her Teeth! Since she had so much more time to live,
she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the
hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was
killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said
I had
Another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the
path of the
Ambulance?"
(You'll love this)
God replied: "Sorry! I didn't recognize you."
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So, there I
was, just relaxing in front of the TV when the grand kids
yelled: "Hey Grandma, come see the kittens."
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Thanks to Kathy McDonald Corey from the class of 1960 For
providing the following...
An
86-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his test results
come back
normal. The
doctor says, " Gary
everything looks great.
How are you
doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
Gary
replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor
eyesight, so He's
fixed it so
when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the
bathroom, *poof* the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof*
the light goes off."
"Wow, that's
incredible," the doctor says.
A little
later in the day, the doctor calls
Gary
's wife. "Marianne, he
says, Gary is doing fine but I
had to call you because I'm in awe of his
relationship
with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and
*poof* the
light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof*
the
light goes
off?"
"OH MY GOD!"
Marianne exclaims. "He's peeing in the refrigerator
again!!!!"
And the next one, too, is from Kathy
McDonald
A
Haircut
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long
before I can get a haircut? The barber looked around the
shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy
left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door
and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?' The barber
looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy
left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and
asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut? The barber
looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half .
The guy left.
The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a
favor, follow
him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has
to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing
hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, 'Your
house!
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