Thanks to Kathy "Cookie" Hannaman for this Tidbit
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud
pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a
push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out
there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and
those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of
yourself! God loves drunk people too.
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the
pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk
Jimmy Kimmel "Lie Detective"
This is cute and kinda funny!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPgpRw9tiuM
A piece of military trivia that I bet you didn't know. I didn't!!
During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw
that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous
British "red coat." Many people have asked, "Why did the British
wear red coats in battle?"
A long time
ago, Britain and France were at
war. During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They
took him to their headquarters, and the French General began to
question him. Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked,
"Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the
red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"
In his
casual, matter-of-fact, way, the officer informed the General that
the reason British officers wear red coats is so that if they are
wounded, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't
panic.
And
that is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers
wear brown trousers.
|
A
man got on a bus and had both of his front trouser pockets
full of golf balls.
Naturally, he sat down next to a beautiful blonde.
The
puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many glances from the blonde, he said, "It's
golf balls."
The
blonde continued to stare at him for a very long period of
time.
You
could sense she was thinking deeply about what he said.
After several additional minutes of thought, the blonde was
unable to contain her curiosity any longer and she asked,
"Does it Hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
|
Thanks to Kathy
McDonald Corey for the following...
They Walk Among Us!
Remember "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"
And Regis says,
and because our contestant didn't know the answer, she decided to
use one of her Life Lines!!!! And she guessed Edmund. Dah!!!
----------------------------
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and
hung a Sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take
it.'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'
The next day someone stole it!
They walk amongst us!
------------------------------------
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone
shouted...'Look at that dead bird!'
Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'
They
walk among us!
----------------------------------------------------------
While looking at a house, my brother asked the Estate agent which
direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up
every morning.
She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'
My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for
sometime. She shook her head and said,
'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff...'
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------------------
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we
overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on
her weekend drive to the beach.
She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd
get sunburned because the car was moving'.
They Walk Among Us!
-----------------------------------------------
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car, which is designed to cut
through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car
trunk.
They Walk Among Us!
-------------------------------------------------
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to
the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there
smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she
asked me,
'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------------------
While working at a pizza parlor, I observed a man ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some
time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces.
They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------------------
And last, but not least:
Dumb as a box of Rocks
And This Is a
TRUE STORY:
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function
where a noted personality happened to appear. This personality took
the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a
question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a
mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question
which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates,
that puts you on the track.'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world
and died during one of them. Which one?''
The noted personality thought a moment, and then said with a nervous
laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I
must confess I don't know much about history.'
Sadly, they walk among us!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Traffic Camera
A man was driving when he saw the flash
of a traffic camera. He
figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit,
even though he knew
that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the
block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again
the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny,
so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic
camera again
flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a
fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled
past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five
tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt!!!
You can't fix stupid.
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