Mrs. Ravioli comes to
visit her son, Anthony, for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Tina.
During
the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty
Anthony's roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while
watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more
between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you
must be thinking, but I assure you, Tina and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Tina came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.
" So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my
house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here
for dinner.
Love, Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received a response email from
his Mama which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Tina, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep
with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama
Morty
visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog has a
problem."
Dr.
Saul says, "So, tell me about the dog and the problem."
"It's
a Jewish dog. His name is Seth and he can talk," says Morty.
"He
can talk?" the doubting doctor asks???
"Watch
this!" Morty points to the dog and commands: " Seth,
Fetch!"
Seth
the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and says,
"So why are you talking to me like that?
You
always order me around like I'm nothing.
And
you only call me when you want something.
And
then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis.
You
give me this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me
it's a special diet.
It
tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself!
And
do you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house, a
short pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a
little, the sciatica wouldn't kill me so much!
I
should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"
Dr.
Saul is amazed, "This is remarkable! So, what's the
problem?"
Morty
says, "He has a hearing problem! I said
"Fetch," not "Kvetch."
From a traffic cop:
I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady
the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73
just East of Sedan, KS..
I asked for her driver's license,
registration, and proof of insurance.
The lady took out the required
information and handed it to me.
In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due
to her advanced age) to see she had a concealed carry permit.
I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in
her possession at this time. She responded that she indeed had a
.45 automatic in her glove box. Something,
body language, or the way she said it made me ask if she had any other
fire arms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock
in her center console.
Now I had to ask one more time if that was all, she responded
once again She did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I
then asked her what was she so afraid of? She looked me right in
the eye and said, "Not a damn thing!"
'OLD' IS WHEN....
Your
sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs
And make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'
'OLD'
IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you
On your new alligator shoes
And you're barefoot..
'OLD'
IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy
And your pacemaker opens the garage door.
'OLD'
IS WHEN...
Going braless
Pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD'
IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
Just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD'
IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor
instead of by the police
'OLD'
IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action'
Means you don't need to take any fibre today.
'OLD'
IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you can find your car
In the parking lot.
'OLD'
IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up
To use the bathroom.
AND...'OLD' IS WHEN....
You're not
sure these are jokes
