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Entering a classroom at MCAS (Marine Corps Air Station) in Yuma , Arizona , a female Marine Captain encountered a clearly apathetic audience.  She had been selected to provide a full hour's instruction on Iraqi electronic warfare capabilities to 150 Marine aviators. The aviators  showed, by their body language, very deep skepticism about a female's ability to teach war fighting skills to an all-male class.

She began by noting that her voice had just been tested to see if it was suitable for some new cockpit recorder messages for Marine aircraft. She said that unfortunately she had not been selected to be the new "Bitching Betty."

However, she said it was only fair to warn the audience the reason given for her non-selection. An analysis of her voice pattern revealed that her particular voice had a tendency to lull to sleep any male homosexuals within earshot.

The assembled officers shot upright in their chairs. One-hundred-fifty  pair of eyes were now wide open and locked onto her and stayed that way for the balance of the lecture.

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EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

I got to 100 lbs potato bags easily, because I stay in good condition.  Give it a try and you will be amazed at what you can do when you put your mind to it.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. This is very important. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

 Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

 Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.  (I'm at this level.)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

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Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.  He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm  sure that poor old man has Peltry
Syndrome.  Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so.  The old man surely has
Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we  learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.  Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought........ But you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought....... But you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS...But I was wrong, too!"

"SOS"

 
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?

 

 
The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!'
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?'
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'
The C-130 pilot chuckled.
'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the plane,
took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.'

Employee of the Month (We Have A Winner)

Multi-tasking at its best!
This is the level of dedication we expect from all staff!

There is a reason...laptop spelled backwards is potpal.

(Submitted by Kathy McDonald Corey class of 1960)

"CATHOLIC SHAMPOO"

Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 Store.

As they passed the Beer Cooler, one nun said to the other, "wouldn't it be nice to have a cool beer or two on a hot summer evening?"

The second nun answered right away.

"Indeed it would be nice sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer since I'm certain it would cause a scene at the checkout counter!"

Nun one replied, "I can handle that situation without a problem."

She picked up a six pack and headed straight to the checkout.

The cashier had a somewhat surprised look on his face when the two nuns approached him with a six-pack of beer.

"We use the beer for washing our hair," nun one replied. "Back at the Nunnery, we call it a "Catholic Shampoo."

The cashier, without blinking an eye, reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzels, and put them into the bag with the beer.