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"Buffalo
Bob" |
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PONDERISMS I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned
that most people die of natural causes. Gardening Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not
a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive
anyway. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the
dead. Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one
can die. The only difference between a groove and a grave is the
depth. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these
days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays
no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. How is it one careless match can start a
bushfire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
freezer? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
song about him? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
Soup? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride; he sticks his
head out the window? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon
stick to the pan?
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