A woman passed her
and heard a strange buzzing noise. Opening the door, she saw her
daughter with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked, "why??"
The daughter replied: "Mom, Iím thirty-five years
old, unmarried, and this thing is as close as Iíll ever get to a
husband. So, please, leave me alone."
To his query, the daughter again said: "Dad Iím
thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as Iíll
ever get to a husband. Please, leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping and heard
that buzzing noise coming from, the living room. On entering she
saw her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and
staring at the TV.
The wife asked: "What the heck are you doing?"
The husband replied: "I'm here watching some football
with my son-in-law."
With all the new technology regarding fertility,
recently a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she
was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
May I see the new
baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She
said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had
passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet' she
After another few
minutes had elapsed,
I asked again,
'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet'
replied my friend.
impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!'
she told me.
'WHEN HE CRIES?' I
demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT
WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
A wife asks her
please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk. And if they have
eggs, get 6."
A short time later
the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him,
"Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
"They had eggs."
This one is dedicated to everyone who ever taught school, parented
children, or served their country.
A former sergeant,
having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a
schoolteacher, but just before the school year started he injured his
He was required to
wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately,
the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day
of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the
having already heard the new teacher was a former
Marine, were leery
of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any
confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the
window wide and sat down at his desk.
When a strong
breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled
the tie to his chest.
silence...He had no trouble with discipline that year.
A guy and a girl met at a bar.
They started getting along well and they decide to go to the girl's
place for a drink.
A few drinks
later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands.
He then took off
his socks and washed his hands.
The girl looked at
him and said, "You must be a dentist!"
guy responded, "Why yes. That's amazing. How did you determine
The woman replied,
"Easy... you keep washing your hands."
Well, one thing
led to another, and they migrated to the bed. Things became more and
more passionate and... (Moving forward)
passionate deed was done the woman remarked, "You must be a GREAT
The guy was very
surprised and said 'Yes! Yes! I sure am a great dentist... You amaze
me! And how did you know THAT my dear?
His lover said,
"That's easy. I didn't feel a thing."
True Story or Fake News...???
On a bitterly cold
winter morning a husband and wife in
They heard the
announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow
today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street,
so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and
moved her car.
A week later while
they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We
are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on
the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get
through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they
are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We
are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...."
Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and
with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to
do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can
Then with the love
and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to
blondeís exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just
leave the car in the garage this time."
Older Men Scam
receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark
parking lots, etc.
This is the first
warning I have seen for men. I
wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up'
for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot,
Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This
one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last
month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply
going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or
Here's how the
scam works; Two very beautiful, college-age girls will come over to
your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle.
They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex,
with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
(It's impossible not to look).
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but
instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.
You agree and they
climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of
them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your
I had my wallet
stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th,
20th, 24th, and the 29th.
Also December 1st,
2nd, 8th, twice on the 16th &17th, and very likely again this
So tell your
friends to be careful. What
a horrible way to take advantage of us older men.
Warn your friends to be vigilant.
wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I
found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store and bought them
out in three of their stores.
Also, you never
get to eat at McDonald's. I've
already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Loweís to
Home Depot, to Wal-Mart.
So please, send
this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the
lookout for this scam. (The
best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)