kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
while they drew.
She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked
what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
A little boy asked his teacher
if he could go to the bathroom, so she said yes. When he went to wipe
his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands.
When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your
hand.' The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll
get scared away.'
He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked
him, 'What do you have in your hand.' So the little boy said, 'A
little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.'
He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your
hand.' So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my
hands he'll get scared away.'
He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked, 'What do you
have in your hand.' So again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun
and if I open my hands he gets scared away.'
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!'
The little boy opened his hands and with tears in his eyes said, 'Look
Dad you scared the crap out of him.'
The morning after an all-night
honeymoon extravaganza in bed, the newlywed wife snuggles up to
her hubby and asks, "Sweetheart, how many others were there
After a few minutes of silence, the wife says, "Well, I'm
And the guy takes a deep breath and says, "Well, I'm still
A young guy goes to the
, and sees a flyer advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant at a
. Interested, he wants to learn more. "Can you give me some more
details?" he asks the clerk.
Dialog between a man and a woman...
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about three
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman: And how long have you been
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have
three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one
year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?
Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not
accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at
Woman: Do you know that if you didnít
drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a compound
interest savings account and after accounting for the compounded
interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Man: Where's your airplane?
The middle aged man was visibly shaken
when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of
the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical
check-up. The Doctor suggested that he should get his 'house in
order', make sure his will was current and ensure all final
arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans
to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.
"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the
His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll
go and live with my Mother-in-law." Surprised by the answer, the
Doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live
with your Mother-in-law?"
"Because it'll be the longest six months of my life!"
Morty and Saul, are out
one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.
Saul, the banker, says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I
don't swim so well."
Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class
when he was just a kid. He begins tugging Saul toward shore. After
twenty minutes, he begins to get tired.
Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, "So Saul, do
you suppose you could float alone?"
Saul replies, "Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking for
The clerk pulls up a file and says, "The job entails helping
ladies get ready for the gynecologist in a soothing and relaxing
manner. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down
and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and
gently shave off any hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready
for the gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $55 thousand, but you're going to have to
. That's about 250 miles from here."
"Oh, is that where the job is?" the young man asks.
"No, sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."
The young man from
came running into the store
and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup
truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license