guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years.
A few days before the group’s annual departure date, John’s wife
puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. John’s fishing
buddies are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do?
days later the three get to the camping site to find John sitting
there with his tent set up, firewood gathered, dinner cooking on the
fire, and drinking a cold beer.
John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into
letting you go?”
I’ve been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in
my recliner when my wife came up behind me, put her hands over my
eyes, and asked, “Guess who?”
pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.
took my hand and pulled me into the bedroom, where she’d lit candles
and put rose petals all over the place, looked like something out of a
she’s been reading 50 Shades of Grey or something. On the bed she
had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to
the bed, so I did.
then she said, ‘Honey, you can do whatever you want.’
boys, here I am!”
A farmer drove over to his neighbor’s
knocked on the door…
A boy, about 8, opened the door.
“Is your mom or dad home?” the man asked the boy.
“No, they went into town,” the boy replied.
“Well, how about your brother Howard?” the man asked.
“No, he went with mom and dad,” the boy said.
The man stood there for a minute shifting from one foot to another
and mumbling when the boy says: “I know where the tools are if
you need to borrow one or I could give my dad a message for you.”
“Well,” The man said uncomfortably “I wanted to talk to your
dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant.”
The boy thought for a moment then said: “You’ll have to talk to
my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for
the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”
Larry may become my new
A new teacher was trying to make use of her
She started her class by saying,
'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!'
After a few seconds, Little Larry
The teacher said, 'Do you think
you're stupid, Larry?'
'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you
standing there all by yourself!'
watched, fascinated, as his mother
smoothed cold cream on her face.
'Why do you do that, mommy?' he
'To make myself beautiful,' said
his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter, asked Larry,
teacher saw that Larry wasn't paying
attention in class.
She called on him and said,
'Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'
Larry quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX,
ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a
bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a
picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The
detectives want very badly to capture him.'
Larry asked, "Why didn't you
keep him when you took his picture ? "
Larry attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved
from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs
and rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Larry asked,
'Dad, why are you doing that?'
His father replied, 'Because when
I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in
good shape before I spend my money.
Larry, looking worried, said,
'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .....
brightened your day, don't let it stop here. Pass Larry on with a
smile. Keep spreading the cheer! Pass him on to your friends!
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered in
a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it
is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is
that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human
The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus
of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
“Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.
The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes,
but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse
and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told
them, “The second most important quality is observation.
I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now
learn to pay attention!”
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently,
a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was
discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
‘May I see the new baby?’ I asked.
‘Not yet,’ she said. ‘I’ll make coffee and we can talk for
a while first.’
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, ‘May I see the new baby
‘No, not yet,’ she said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, ‘May I see
the baby now?’
‘No, not yet,’ replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, ‘Well, when can I see the
‘WHEN HE CRIES!’ she told me.
‘When he Cries??’ I demanded. ‘Why do I have to wait until he
‘BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, OK