They meet and she is very
happy with him; she feels that they are perfect for each other. Eventually
they end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the
bathroom to prepare for the evening. When she returns to the bedroom,
she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked.
All the furniture from the room is piled in one corner.
Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline
station and fill it up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil
station and pulls over to the high octane pump.
“What can I do for y’all?” asks the attendant.
“What kinda car is this?” he asks. “I never seen one like it
“Well,” responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride,
“This, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille.”
“What features does it have?” asks the attendant.
“Well,” says the driver, “It has everything. It’s loaded
with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM
radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per
channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all
around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all,
an 8.8 liter V12 engine.”
“Wow,” says the attendant, “That’s really something!”
“How much do I owe you for the gasoline?” asks the driver.
“That’ll be $30.17,” says the attendant.
The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10.
He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed
up with the change are a few golf tees.
“What are those little wooden things?” asks the attendant.
“That’s what I put my balls on when I drive,” says the
says the attendant, “Those Cadillac people think of everything!”
old man leaned forward and said softly to his wife: “Dear, there is
something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our
tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.
want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful
experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take
all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
wife dropped her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she
paused for moment and then confessed: “Yes. Yes he did.”
old man was very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting
hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asked:
Who was he? Who was the father?”
the old woman dropped her head, saying nothing at first as she tried
to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
finally, she said: “You.”
counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, “Four, teacher?”.
said, ” Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers.
your hands behind your back and tell me what’s three and three”.
his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, “Six,
said, “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your
your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five”.
his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, “Eleven,
you ever testify in court,
you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was
being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The
lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility...
'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
'No, sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the
description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
'The officer who responded to the scene.'
fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do
you trust your fellow officers?
'Yes, sir. With my life.'
'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room
where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes, sir.'
Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with
your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you
share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and
sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
Seeing the beautiful woman, the cowboy
offered her a drink and they started talking. After a while, the woman
built up some confidence and asked the cowboy if it's true what they
say about men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said,
"Shore is. Why don't you come home with me and let me prove it to
The woman wanted to find out for
herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee,
ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services
"Don't be flattered. Take the
money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
“To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a
50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the
factory every day and learn the operations.”
The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work
in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand
being stuck behind a desk all day.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you
half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like
factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do
“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”