man returning home a day early from a business trip
got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route
to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness.
man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch
her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.
arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom.
The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there
was his wife in bed with another man.
husband put a gun to the naked man’s head. The wife shouted:
“Don’t do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told
you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He
paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He
paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly
his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He
looked over at the cab driver and said, “what would you do?”
cabby said, “I’d cover his ass up with that blanket before he
catches a cold.”
do I look like, a plumber?” asks the husband, and goes to sleep.
days later, the wife once again turns to her husband and says,
“Honey, my car doesn’t start. I think it may need a new battery.
Could you change it for me?”
do I look like, a mechanic?” asks the husband with a frown.
goes by, and the wife once again turns to her husband and says,
“Dear, the roof is leaking, could you do something about it?”
do I look like, a roofer?” asks the husband. “Take care of these
then leaves home for a week on a business trip. “When I come
back,” he says to his wife, “I’d like all these things taken
comes back a week later and is astonished to discover the roof is
fixed, the car is running and the pipes are brand new.
How much is that going to cost me?” he snarls at his wife.
at all.” said the wife. “The neighbor popped in and turns out
he’s a handyman. He said he’d fix the whole thing if I’d just
bake him a cake or sleep with him.”
said the husband. “What kind of cake did you make him?”
do I look like,” exclaims the wife, “a baker?”
put up a sign reading Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and
town council was livid and insisted they change it.
was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign to read: Catatonics and High Colonics - no go!
attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes - unacceptable again!
and Cheeks - still no good.
and Moons -
at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:
Thanks to Roe Marchese Genovese class of 1961
recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes
She asks the
clerk, “What is that shiny object?”
The clerk replies,
“That is a thermos.”
The blonde then
asks, “What does it do?”
responds, “It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.”
The blonde says,
“Oh! I could use something like that!! I’ll take it!”
The next day, as
she walks into work with her new thermos she spots her boss and shows
off her shiny new thermos, “I just got this yesterday, isn’t it
wonderful! It’s a thermos and it keeps hot things hot and cold
The boss asks,
“And what do you have in it?”
blonde replies, “Some coffee and a popsicle.”