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Humor

 

 


 This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day:

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . . .."

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The Traffic Light Turned Yellow

just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could easily have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. 
The tailgating woman behind him was furious and began honking her horn, screaming at him in frustration, because she missed her chance to get through the intersection and, to make matters worse, she dropped her cell phone and makeup. 
Still in mid-rant and still screaming, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit the car…with her hands up.
He placed the raging woman into his police car and took her to the local station.  There she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed into a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the cell door.  She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. 
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake.

You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.

I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the “chrome-plated Christian fish emblem” on the trunk.

Naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car." 

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I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister.

 My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini skirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else.

 One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that s he wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord... And behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is:  Always keep your condoms in your car.

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